The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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