You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
