my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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