my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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