I looked at my own cervix.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
