Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
