Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
