They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
