The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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