I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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