I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
