I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
