he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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