i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
