i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All the doctor said was why
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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