his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
