I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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