Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
