I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
