do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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