we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
