i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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