Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
