well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
