Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
