afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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