I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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