Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
