Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
