Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
