And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
