so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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