I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon