While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him