Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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(512): View more from Texas

You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

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(702): View more from Nevada

is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?

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(641): View more from Iowa

Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.

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(415): View more from California

She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.

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(714): View more from California

i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo

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(937): View more from Ohio

I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.

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