1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.