Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!