I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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