saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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