he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize