No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
