I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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