the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
