I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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