I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
