My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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