And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
