____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
