you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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