I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
