i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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