god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
