I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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