Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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