i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
