it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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