My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
