Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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