well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
