your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
