oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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