I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
