Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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