Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
