so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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