You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
