I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
