why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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