I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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