i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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