is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I did not marry a roomba.
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