Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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