eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
