Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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