Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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