Can Purell be used as lube?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
