Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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