the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
