i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
