Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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