if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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